By Tracy Tillapaugh, CPC | Technical Recruiter (& Parody Poet)
This is a parody to “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas”
‘Twas the night before my interview and all through the house
I was printing out fresh copies of my resume and ironing my blouse
My coworker references were contacted with care,
In hopes they’d say how never into space I would stare.
My interview questions were snug in my purse,
While there were visions of them saying I was very well-versed.
And my cat in his ‘kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a good night’s nap.
When out on the application there arose such grammar,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter!
Away to my printer I flew like a flash,
Tore open the new ink cartridge and printed the proper dash.
The spelling mistakes I fixed, that I know,
Gave the application the luster on the paper below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My resume was perfect and so it was clear.
With punctuation, verbs and adjectives it would click,
I knew in a moment I must be the candidate they would pick.
More rapid than the interviews I went on before,
I’d quickly get the call backs and offers galore.
“On, duties, on work and on life balance!
On, new coworkers, on new benefits and on new career sense!”
To the top of the ladder, to the top of the wall,
Now sign away, sign away, sign away all”
As pen writes my signature on the offer letter there,
When I meet with an obstacle, overcome it I dare,
So up to the office I leap and flew,
With my briefcase of resumes and references too,
And then, in a dream I heard in my head,
The numbers and feedback that would be said.
As I drew in my arms, and was turning around,
Down came my ego with a tiny little sound.
It made me realize that confidence was what I would forth put
And my clothes would be pressed and without any soot,
A bundle of cover letters delivered from my sack,
Prepared me to summarize my life in white and black.
My eyes – they made contact and sparkled with such merry!
My cheeks were smiling and red rosy like a cheery!
My mouth formed sentences not starting with yo,
And my words were intelligent and decidedly so.
The jump in his step, he smiled with white teeth,
And my resume he held unlike a holiday wreath.
He had a broad face and wasn’t at all smelly,
And he shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was stately and tall, a right jolly old elf,
And I tried not to laugh, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread,
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And asked me many questions, driving me berserk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up to his feet he rose;
He sprang to his door, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all came in like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he walked out of sight,
“Hire her now, and with all of your might!”